The Ocean on Her Shoulders
by LetsSingtheDoomSong
Summary: Jamie was still terrified of the ocean, even 10 years after her escape from Rapture. (You think I'd leave Jamie Donovan-Sinclair alone? Hell no!) (spin-off of See All Evil obviously)


For the longest time, I refused to step foot anywhere near the ocean. It took effort to even get me to sit on the bench of my grandfather's orchard that overlooked the blue waves that hid a dark secret beneath the unsuspecting surface. Travelling anywhere by boat was out of the question, not even by plane. Planes only made me think of Jack - the poor sleeper agent genetically bred to sleep walk through life until triggered y the phrase 'Would You Kindly' by none other than Frank fucking Fontaine. Staying in Britain was my only option, but brought memories back just as bad when I think of my fellow englishwoman whose corpse is still inside of a lifeboat that had been our salvation.

It took my beloved daughter to get me to go near the water. "Wantin' to be closer to daddy," She argued. I regret telling her that her father died at sea which is why he isn't here. It was better than telling her that Augustus died in a city at the bottom of the ocean and that the things from nightmares were real. Josephine didn't deserve to hear all of that... just yet. I knew she'd need to be told the truth about Augustus, but it just wasn't the time.

The swimsuit was loaned to me by a friend of the family's daughter, seeing as how I didn't possess one nor did I have the want to go out and buy one. It wasn't that I didn't have the funds, but the account Augustus left as a fall-back was left untouched by me. I would not give his mother the satisfaction of seeing me desperate enough to go after a deadman's money - as she put it. Josephine opted for a sparkly green one saying it matched her eyes, which it did.

She was the first to run into the waves, squealing with joy as the waves licked and slid around her small legs. It was hard to believe that 9 years ago, Augustus died and I had given birth to the beautiful little girl we created together, that I was this malnourished skeleton running around in something worse then Hell. Purgatory was more like it. 9 years since I had last killed someone with a cold disposition. 9 years since I could consider myself cold. I smiled more, looked healthier and no longer walked around looking at everyone like they were going to make an attempt at my life.

"Momma!" Josephine shouted, hopping up and down in the water. "Play with me!" She splashed some water in my direction.

Gulping down saliva, I took careful steps toward the water. I wanted to run and escape from the reminder of the hell I went through, but the expectant look on Josephine's face did not let those feelings conquer.

My feet finally hit the cold water making my limbs seize up in mild panic. In front of me was the calm waves of the ocean shore of my homeland, but my vision had me looking at this serene oceanscape through a dirty and cracked window in _that_ city. It brought me back to Rapture, the place that made me into Hawkeye, the place that corrupted the sweet and loving Grace Holloway, and the place that took Augustus Sinclair from me. All the blood I had spilt in the name of survival. The heavy feel of the crossbow I came to favor. The _agony_ of Lamb injecting me with plasmids. That Big Sister that took my first child from me...

I started when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked down at Josephine who had a frown across her face that held the same look as me. Like a mirror with Augustus' features mixed in. "Are you okay, momma?" She asked, her dark eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

I scooped her up held her close. "Be strong for momma," I whispered and continued into the water until I was waist deep. My nerves started to calm and the panic dwelled into minor anxiety.

I stood there, allowing the water to swirl around my thin waist and Josephine's legs. Harmless, I reminded myself. Rapture was long behind me. I was a survivor, not a victim.

Josephine squrimed slightly in my grasp and it was apparently that I had my arms around her in a death grip and it was becoming uncomfortable. "Sorry," I quickly apologized, setting her into the water.

It easily came up to her chin so she started a sort of doggy-paddle around me since she had no actual swimming lessons behind her. Awkward flailing in the pond was her swim lessons. I sunk down until the water was up to my shoulders and let out a deep exhale. My heart pounding in my chest, wanting me to remember the danger that was hidden below the surface, but I wouldn't let it. I had to be strong for not only Josephine, but for myself. If I let myself become scared of the goddamn ocean then I let Rapture win. Then I let Ryan win. Then I let Fontaine win. Then I let Lamb win.

With the ocean on my shoulders, I sighed in relief finding a comfort with the water again. Rapture stuffed into the back of my mind to be forgotten forever. By now, the city should have collapsed in on itself, no more than a hunk of glass and metal laying at the bottom of the ocean to be mistaken for several sunknen ships.

Josephine swam her way up to me and looped her arms around my neck to rest. "Do you think daddy is watching?" She asked, gazing out at the open water like she was gonna see his head pop out and smile like he used to - the smile always reserved for me.

"I'm sure he is."

And Camille wanted me to talk to a shrink. Well she can shove it up her blow hole and I say that in the most loving way.


End file.
